Light & Shadow – The Middle Ground of Parenting
Reading time: 10 minutes (with credit to the Twilight Zone, photo credit Kevin Delvecchio)
This narrative is about the Goodlapp family; it’s a story familiar to many families with college-age children and is as timeless as infinity. It’s a story about the middle ground of parenting, between light and shadow, between science and instinct, and it lies between the pit of parents’ fears and the summit of their knowledge. It spans the dimension known as trepidation, in an area we call “…my child wants to quit college.”
It’s December, and Mary, the Goodlapp’s eldest daughter, is home from college. A traditional holiday meal is prepared, and as usual, with two boys and a daughter, it never seems to be enough, as everything but the salt and conversation is consumed.
Life is good but increasingly expensive. Dad’s a Controller and Mom is a P.Eng specializing in high-rise building science, so living in a metropolis is necessary. Combined earnings are enough to qualify them as Middle-Class by Liberals and as one-percenters by Progressives. Neither classification qualified them for any tangible social benefits. They have just enough earnings leftover each month to contribute to their children’s education and retirement funds.
“I don’t want to be an engineer!”
Suddenly out of left field, Mary announces, with little thought about the $75,000.00 spent to date, that she doesn’t want to complete the Spring semester of her third year in Mechanical Engineering. Taken aback, both Goodlapps exclaim in unison, “But you’re doing so well, a 3.0 is a decent mark, you should finish it as it teaches you how to solve problems.” “But I don’t want to be an engineer,” Mary replies, “I don’t see the purpose of taking a subject I can’t stand. I’m struggling to even identify with my peers. I’m doing this more for Mom than I am for me! Not to mention, a 3.0 isn’t a decent mark; it wouldn’t get me beyond middle management in an engineering firm.”
“Science might or might not validate a parent’s aspiration.”
Mom, a little offended that she didn’t disguise her efforts to influence her daughter’s career sufficiently, replies, “You don’t need to be like me and join an engineering firm, 60% of engineering graduates don’t end up in an engineering career. It’s a pathway to other opportunities, stick it out for this semester and let’s revisit this conversation next summer.”
Dad, ever the pragmatist when it comes to staying out of the middle, quietly concurs with the suggestion, while his inside accountant voice is saying, “You understand that the school bill will be pushing past $110,000 with no guarantee of completion in year four?”
“Don’t need to be like me”
We live in a world where the cost of education does not lend itself to youthful experimentation.
Imagine if the Goodlapps and their daughter Mary knew, before ever applying to an engineering program, that mechanical engineering was the least likely discipline she would enjoy, and that if she was determined to become an engineer, the statistical probability of rising above middle management was 40%? The presumption is that the Goodlapps’ $110,000 and Mary would have pursued a profession where Mary’s potential to succeed would optimally align.
“Clarity to sweep away career doubts”
The science to determine a correlation between which career Mary would enjoy and what she would be good at exists. With 85% predictive accuracy, science can provide sufficient vocational clarity to dispel a young person’s career doubts. Having this insight into your potential to achieve excellence prior to selecting a career path, or even to validate the path taken, is a powerful tool for self-actualization.
“Know your potential”
Behavioural science has come a long way since the days when high school guidance counsellors subjected their students in the 1960’s to personality tests authored by alchemists and wizards. Unfortunately, many of those cheap and cheerful assessment tests are still in circulation; some recent creations are more granular in the number of attributes assessed, but very few can predict on-the-job potential.
“Identifying achievable career goals”
Given its statistical accuracy, my executive search firm, Rutherford International, applies the RutherfordINTEL Assessment to identify leadership challenges, executive potential and competency gaps in project management teams. Our warranties exceed industry average, so no candidate is presented to a client without undergoing an assessment to determine their functional potential. We’re pleased to make this assessment available to the family and friends of our clients and registrants.
For further information on our methods or how we might provide career counsel to a family member, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me directly.